


Just Keep Going

by kawada_s



Category: Battle Royale - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, film!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 16:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12437010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawada_s/pseuds/kawada_s
Summary: It seems natural to Noriko that the two class rejects would start hanging out. For Mitsuko, it isn't so simple, but sometimes, you have to take a risk. Even more, sometimes you have to take things into your own hands when the world seems to hate you so much. Modern AU / No Program, but deals with the film versions of the characters.





	Just Keep Going

Just Keep Going

Noriko knew she should have seen Megumi’s departure from their friendship coming, but when she truly realised that the three year bond had ended, it still was a major blow. She’d seen her slipping away, it starting with her making constant excuses about just why she couldn’t hang out after school today, to spending every moment she could with Mizuho and Kaori outside of class, soon moving into them spending every moment they could manage _inside_ of class together as well. Soon, it seemed as if Noriko had never even existed to Megumi.

All she saw of her now were little flashes at school. Her trading hair accessories, music recommendations and silly drawings with her new friends, catching each other up with class notes, and standing together with them at class basketball games, arms linked together, it all echoing what she used to do with her former best friend. It felt like a lifetime ago to Noriko since they’d shared any of these moments and as much as it still pained her, she knew they most likely wouldn’t share those times again.

Now that it was over, it was best to accept it and focus on the positives. The biggest one of all was that at least, she wasn’t bullying her. Mizuho and Kaori had never gone near her either, which was a relief – then again, she never thought they were the type, sometimes being targeted as well, but who knew anymore? It was much easier to just be ignored, Megumi not even seeming to see her when she desperately tried to meet her eyes, leaving her alone to face whatever attack was going to come her way today. It hurt, but at least they hadn’t joined in. That would have just torn her apart.

There’d been no surprises with the bullying though lately, which was another relief. Mayumi, Fumiyo and Yoshimi – the three ‘bad girls’ of the class, the type of girls that did things that scared her and that she would never want to get involved with, had pretty much stuck to the same script they’d been following since they first started harassing her in the first place. They’d corner her in the hallway, which would lead to them locking her Whin one of the bathroom stalls, and yelling obscenities until her until they got bored, leaving her to figure out some way to get out before the day ended.

She knew she should have gone to the library for lunch. The three wouldn’t have found her there, not wanting to be caught dead in such an ‘uncool’ place, but at the last minute, she’d changed course and just _hoped_ , it all she had to cling to until they arrived, ripped her lunch from her hands, giving her a little smirk as if to say ‘you know what happens next.’ That lead her to here, stuck in one of the stalls yet _again_ , her heart sinking as the bell went.

She had math now. One of her worst classes. It was made even worse by the fact that her teacher absolutely _despised_ tardiness. If she didn’t get out soon, she knew she was done for. She stood up faster than expected and began to pound on the door, kicking it occasionally, trying to bring herself to yell out for help, but she just couldn’t. It would make her feel like she was absolute trash, just what the three who had locked her in there wanted her to think.

She pounded on the door for about five minutes, hoping to catch the attention of the loud crowd outside, or any last minute people heading to class, but there was no one. With one final frustrated kick at the door, she slumped down, trying to accept that no one was going to come. While she willed herself not to, after a few minutes of pure, almost eerie silence, she felt tears begin to drip down her face.

As she reached up at to wipe them away with her sleeve, she almost fell at the sound of a slam. The bathroom door. Someone was here. It was her ticket to freedom, but she found herself frozen, willing her tears to stop as she listened intently to the scrape of the person’s shoes on the tiles, secretly hoping they’d figure out she was there. She figured it was probably going to be her only hope for quite a while, but still, she couldn’t will herself to utter a single word.

“Hey, you,” a rough voice echoed around the bathroom, and she felt someone bang on the door, unable to stop herself from flinching. The voice seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place it, it feeling as if she’d only heard it before in echoes. With it being almost unrecognisable, she wasn’t sure if they’d be willing to help her, laugh at her, or worst of all, just leave her here. “Get out. Come on, fuck off. Is it too much to ask to have a smoke break alone?”

Noriko felt herself breathe a sigh of relief – at least they _wanted_ her to leave, which meant they wouldn’t end up laughing at her misfortune and leaving her here, but she still worried a little. From the sounds of it, they definitely were going to get angry when she made no effort to leave, and explaining the situation sounded strange enough in her head. At least they didn’t seem to know her, or at least, she figured that as she couldn’t properly recognise her voice. That made things a little bit better.

When the person kicked her door so hard it rattled and asked her to leave again, Noriko flinched. She knew she had to act quickly before she got any angrier. Quickly, she attempted to gather her thoughts and say something, _anything_ , ending up blurting out the first thing that came to mind. It was too late to go back now.

“I… I… I can’t,” Noriko stammered, her cheeks heating up. Why did she have to be so stupid? Even though it would have worse consequences, she wished so badly she kept quiet. Anything had to be better than _this._

“What do you mean, you _can’t_?” the person muttered, now leaning against the door. “You have functioning legs, right? Otherwise, you’re just stupid – the disabled bathroom is right down the hallway. Can’t miss it. Come on, get out. Quit wasting my time.”

“No, no!” Noriko yelled out, not knowing she had it in her whatsoever. Her first instinct was to try and fix things. “I… I mean.. . I really can’t get out. It’s crazy, but please believe me.”

“How the fuck did you manage to get yourself stuck in the bathroom?” they laughed. “Come on, humour me. Tell me exactly how you got stuck in there – I don’t think I’ve heard anything truly funny in quite a while.”

Noriko took a deep breath and tried to figure out a way to phrase her story – or more correctly, a way to phrase her story without sounding absolutely pathetic. It was futile, she realised, and she really wanted to just get it over with before they lost their patience. Were they going to laugh at her? Could they sympathise? She just had to hope for the best as she began to speak.

Maybe, for once, hope would be on her side.

“Well, you know how people are,” Noriko mumbled, fiddling with her hair, just to find something to distract herself. She knew she was stalling, and fought hard to get the words out. “They… they locked me in the bathroom. Some people from my class. It… it happens a lot, nothing knew, I guess. The usual.”

“Nice,” they let out a chuckle, and Noriko’s heart immediately sank. “Some people really have nothing better to do. I’ll get you out – hopefully you manage to keep yourself out of these situations in the future. Pretty costly to keep breaking down doors, right? Not that I give a damn about this school, to be honest.”

“B-breaking down doors?”

Noriko almost immediately got an answer as banging echoed around the bathroom, her watching as the door began to rattle ferociously. She bit her lip hard to stop herself from letting out a scream as the door came down, moving to the side as fast as she could to stop it from making contact with her. She narrowly avoided hitting the floor, pulling herself up to look over at her saviour. When they met eyes, she couldn’t hide her surprise, even though she knew she was probably being rude.

Out of every student in the school, Mitsuko Souma was one of the last people that she’d expect to come to her rescue. Mitsuko was in her class, but it was easy to forget her existence. She was the only other person in the class that never hung out with anyone, but unlike Noriko, seemed to do it out of her own choice. She was a complete mystery, sitting by the doorway of the gym at class basketball games, often slinking off early during classes, all done with a usually blank expression on her face. She had a feeling, despite this, she didn’t feel rather fondly about her classmates.

“Don’t tell anyone I did this, okay? I don’t want anyone bothering me,” Mitsuko simply said, shoving her hands in the pockets of her blazer. Noriko wanted to tell her that she didn’t really have _anyone_ to tell about what had happened, but she knew it probably wouldn’t get her anywhere. “Come on, quit staring at me. _Go.”_

Noriko quickly looked away from her, promising herself to not meet her eyes again as she tried her hardest to step over the collapsed door without making a fool of herself, but it was difficult. She gave her a small nod and mumbled a thank you before leaving the bathroom, hoping that by some sort of miracle, her teach wouldn’t have arrived yet.

She got detention as soon as she stepped in the door.

\----

Several days later, Noriko finally decided that she really, really disliked sport. It was fun to watch sometimes, but that was starting to lose its charm now that she had no one to watch school baseball and basketball games with, and participating in it? She tried to give in a chance in the previous years, but now there seems to be no bother in even trying anymore. Most sports they play mean you have to get in teams or pairs, which only means humiliation and loneliness. With all her friends gone, it has really become apparent that she is the leftovers, the type that no one wants and end up thrown in the garbage after being found in the back of the refrigerator. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Their teacher didn’t show up that day for some reason, and it ended up as a free for all. The class had decided to play dodgeball in their free period. Several minutes into the game, she found herself on the floor after a ball to the stomach, and she vowed to try her hardest to get out of sport from that day on. For a brief moment, it looked like Yoshitoki was going to ask if she was all right, but after Shinji alerted him to an incoming ball, all was forgotten.

Her eye caught Mitsuko as she walked over to the sideline, slumped against the wall by the gym doors with earphones in, not having bothered to join in the game at all. Noriko used to think that she had the wrong idea, that she should at least try and join in – maybe she’d figure out she was good at a sport, or would make a new friend – but now she’s realised that she’s probably the only sane person in the gym.

If you stay out of the way, you don’t get hurt, berated, or made to feel like leftovers that no one wants. Then again, it’s _Mitsuko._ No one would dare do anything like that to her. It’s why she can get away with never joining in at sports or not doing her homework – the teachers are too scared to ask. Noriko knew for that reason she should probably stay away from her, she was obviously in her own world and was not interested in making friends after the whole bathroom thing, but her feet carried her over to her anyway.

She dug into her pocket and pulled out the small pink and white bag, it crackling as she retrieved it. They were a little crushed, but they’d still be okay probably. She wasn’t even sure why she was offering them, except for the fact that it seemed like the right thing to do. Even a month ago, the thought of being in this situation would be absolutely ridiculous, but now, it seems like anything can happen.

“Cookie?”

Mitsuko took one  earphone out as she approached, raising an eyebrow as she handed out the bag. Noriko’s cheeks heated up, knowing that no doubt the situation was ridiculous, but now that she was here, she couldn’t get out of it now.

“Why are you offering?” Mitsuko asked, not making any move to take one. While they looked a little like a disaster from what she could see, they still were a little tempting. She shouldn’t take one, she knew, it would no doubt open the door to a whole lot of mess, but at the same time, she couldn’t properly remember the last time she’d eaten anything. Eating something would mean having to go _downstairs_. While she’d like to say that she was numb to the feelings of hunger, she hadn’t gotten there yet.

“I… I guess to say thank you for what happened the other day,” when Mitsuko said nothing, she quickly added, “with… with the bathroom.”

Really, there was more to it than that, but Noriko doubted that Mitsuko would take kindly to being told that she looked a little lonely. While she barely knew her at all, she felt like she could sense just enough about her to know that Mitsuko was definitely one of the types of people that did not enjoy being told how she was feeling.

“It was no big deal,” Mitsuko said, face returning to its usual blank state. “I just wanted to be left alone, and you were in my way. That was all there was to it.”

Noriko nodded, both having nothing else to say and feeling like it would be wise to stay quiet. Mitsuko said nothing else either, but didn’t put her earbud in, still available to the world. Still, she didn’t walk away, keeping her hand outstretched, the offer still open to take a cookie. She didn’t know what would be worse, walking away quietly, or just staying there until Mitsuko finally spoke again, most likely to tell her to get lost. The only thing that would relieve the situation would be for the bell to ring, but she doubted that would be coming anytime soon.

The crinkle of the bag brought Noriko out of her thoughts. She snapped out of it fast enough to stop the bag from tumbling from her hands as Mitsuko dug around for a cookie. She just examined it for a moment, as if it could be contaminated, and Noriko felt her heart begin to race. A part of her wondered if this was all some sort of trick, that she was just going to crush it under her shoe and send her away with a laugh, but she tried her hardest to give her the benefit of the doubt.

When she finally had a bite of the cookie, she felt herself begin to hold her breath. Mitsuko’s face was impossible to read. The cookies were fantastic, chewy, sweet and tasting, as cheesy as it sounded, like _home_ – but she knew she couldn’t tell her that. She could never let her know that she actually _did_ like them, but at the same time, it felt like a battle to spit out that she hated them. The thought of telling her that stuck with her more than it probably should, leaving her thinking – _why the hell do I even… care about this nobody loser that isn’t worth my time?_

“Not too bad, I guess,” Mitsuko decided on, reaching out for another cookie. Noriko let her take the bag, insisting it was her pleasure.

Mitsuko realised all this was a mistake after this, watching her eyes light up as she took a few steps closer. It was obvious that she was relieved now. She obviously felt like finally, she had found another loser to connect with and would have some security now, a companion, and now that she had one, everything was going to be fine. It was… _sweet_ but she did have to say, ‘sorry to burst your bubble’ (well she wasn’t really that sorry, it just sounded better) and end this all before it started.

“You can’t sit with me.”

Noriko stepped back after that as if she’d been burned, and while her face fell, she quickly caught herself. This interested Mitsuko, the fact that no matter what she still wanted to appear completely composed and fine, but it wasn’t anything to bother commenting on. It didn’t change the fact that she was just a little nobody that she couldn’t keep around for a variety of reasons – all reasons that were no one’s business but her own. 

“Oh-“ Noriko began to say something, already predicted as syrupy sweet and too kind, too understanding, by Mitsuko. Whatever it was, she really didn’t feel like listening to it.

“Don’t bother, okay? I got you out of that stupid bathroom and you gave me those cookies to say thank you – whatever you thought you were obliged to say or whatever. That’s the end. We just _can’t_ hang out, okay? We’re both a different brand of outcast, and these brands don’t mix, all right? I’m left by myself. No one touches me. This only happens because we have outcasts like _you_ to keep all the attention. The pathetic ones. We can’t have you throwing off the balance, right?”

Noriko nodded, her head down, and she suddenly felt much smaller… but at the same time, it didn’t feel the same way it usually did when Mayumi, Fumiyo and Yoshimi came after her. She felt awful,  but in the scheme of how things went at their school, she could understand. Even though she definitely knew that Mitsuko could more than handle it if anyone decided to sign their death sentence and go after her, it would still make her feel awful if anyone came after her. Really, now she could completely see that she just wanted everyone to leave her alone for whatever reason.

It seemed like a lonely life, but if she wanted it, what could she do?

“I can understand that,” Noriko gave her a small nod and pasted a smile on her face, a marvel for Mitsuko – after that, anyone else would have lost it and told her to just get lost. It wasn’t enough to make her reconsider, though. She wasn’t sure what would do that. “Would you like me to take back the cookies?”

As Noriko reached for them, Mitsuko held the bag of cookies a little tighter, feeling a few of them crumble under her hand. She gave her a look that didn’t exactly look like an angry one, but at the same time, it told her enough to know that she should probably – definitely – back off.

“I’m keeping these,” Mitsuko muttered, still holding the bag of cookies. “They were actually damn good.”

While she still felt somewhat hurt about what Mitsuko had said to her, she couldn’t help but smile a little as she walked away. She knew in the long run, it just couldn’t count for much, but… at least she did like something about her, even if it was just something as small as some cookies.

\---

It was a habit for Noriko to bake when things weren’t going so well. After she spent an afternoon in detention due to forgetting several books and the usual offenders decided to throw her bag in a puddle when she left, the baking began and just didn’t stop as the days went on. A part of her wondered that if she kept going, her mother would finally notice and tell her to stop, but of course, there was nothing. There was nothing more important for her mother do to other than yell at her father on the home.

Another hobby would have been a lot more convenient, seeing as she had a lack of friends. Usually, in the old days with Megumi, she could give her enough to take home which her family could give out to their friends, but now, that was out of the question. She used to give them to some of the boys, but over time, she didn’t feel confident enough to approach them. Ultimately, they’d stopped approaching her, figuring she wasn’t interested in keeping up a friendship.

So, the kitchen stayed filled with bake goods that she didn’t even feel like eating herself. A few months ago, when she didn’t know as much, she’d offered some to Yoshimi’s crowd as some sort of peace offering, but everything, including the container, had ended up in the trash. Again, she’d hoped that her mother would notice the absence of it, but nothing had come of it either. To make herself feel better, she’d just baked more.

The unlikely saviour of this all was Mitsuko. She’d been rather hesitant to approach her, but once she’d seen her with baked goods, she’d let her, giving her a mumbled thank you. It was discreet enough to do as they passed by each other, and it fixed her problem. As time went on, she hoped that it would bring them closer together, but she was content with the ‘thank yous’ she received. It was better than her snatching them from her hands.

When she saw her approaching in the hallway, she felt her heart beat a little faster. She ensured she was still holding the cookies that she’d made yesterday, wondering if somehow, she’d dropped them on her way, but the feeling of the package remained in her hand. Their hands brushed together as she gave her the package and again, she swore her heart sped up.

However, this time, she didn’t get a thank you.

“Hey, these look nice,” Mitsuko said to her, not leaving just yet. “But… maybe could you bring me some brownies tomorrow?”

Noriko tried her hardest to hide her surprise, giving her a nod that she hoped Mitsuko wouldn’t pick up as too eager. She gave her a casual nod back and Noriko swore she was trying to hide a smile, but it would always remain a mystery. She was off, as always not even in the direction she’d need to be in to return to their classroom. She was never there, but it was something she’d never ask about… especially not when this was all they had.

It just appeared that Mitsuko did things differently, save for having the same appreciation for baked goods as the average person. Maybe, just a little more than the average person. That couldn’t help but make Noriko smile.

Even when she felt an elbow slam into her side, sending her to the ground, the smile stayed on her face. The thought of telling them to get lost, like Mitsuko would, helped with retaining the smile. She could never actually bring herself to do it, though. It was a stupid thought, she knew that, but as she got up, she wondered to herself if one day, Mitsuko would actually tell them herself.

\---

It was just a pile of brownies – Noriko tried to tell herself. That was it. But still, she looked forward to giving Mitsuko them. The feeling was knocked down a little once she went to school and the girl couldn’t be found, but she held out hope during the day that she’d show up somewhere. It was _Mitsuko_ – it was a rarity for her to show up in class, but it was peculiar that she hadn’t even seen her smoking outside the school when she’d arrived this morning.

 _Maybe she’s just busy,_ Noriko thought to herself as she went to leave, grateful she’d managed to keep all her books intact today – and remember them. For some reason, Mayumi, Fumiyo and Yoshimi had been kind of busy lately it seemed, but it wasn’t something that she was complaining about. _They’ll last until tomorrow._

When the door of the principal’s office opened as she passed, she felt herself freeze as Mitsuko stepped out, slinging her bag across her shoulder after stuffing some papers in. It was almost ridiculously obvious that she’d been in there all day, and none of the news had been good. She wondered if her parents were going to come out but she was alone, and she figured that at the moment, she’d want it to stay that way.

Hoping she wouldn’t see her, Noriko went to leave through the other exit. Again, she froze when she heard Mitsuko call out to her, her voice echoing through the now empty corridor.

“Hey, wait!”

“Y-yes?” Noriko couldn’t help stammer, and she hated herself for it. Tucking her hair behind her ear, a habit when she got nervous, she stepped a little closer to Mitsuko, sensing something a little different. Despite whatever bad news she’d just received, her eyes seemed to have brightened when she saw her. “I… I got your brownies.”

 _Of course, she’s happy to see the brownies, not you,_ Noriko told herself. When she passed over the bag, she finally noticed Mitsuko’s hands were full, so with permission, she opened her bag and went to place the baked goods inside. When a bunch of papers tumbled out, she knew she had blown it. When Mitsuko swore as the pile got larger, she knew things had gotten even worse.

Despite all this, her eyes couldn’t help but scan the papers as she went to collect them.

“You… you might have to repeat the ninth grade?” Noriko blurted out. At that, Mitsuko sighed and crouched down on the floor beside her, putting down what she was holding as she took control of the situation. She didn’t owe her an explanation, both of them knew that, but she didn’t want to walk away with Noriko still thinking she was stupid.

“It looks like a pretty fucking likely outcome. I’ve missed too much school. It took them long enough to figure that out. It’s not my fault that the lessons are shitty and aren’t taught properly, or that everyone in my class are insufferable assholes. It’s just easy _not_ to come to class.”

In a way, Noriko could understand, especially when it came to the classmate issue, but knew that the reason she was probably struggling so hard was because she barely every came, leaving to the knowledge becoming a disjointed mess in her mind. Noriko wasn’t really a star student, she wasn’t obsessed with her marks, but she still was rather bright and in around the top fifteen of her class. An idea, an idea that she figured was a little stupid, came to mind, and she couldn’t help but blurt it out.

“I could help you. I have almost all of the notes and other classwork and you can catch up… and I’ll explain everything on the way, of course.”

It was first instinct for Mitsuko to reject Noriko’s offer. She was never one to involve others in her messes, preferring to deal with them or just bear with them on her own. It was just simpler that way, usually. However, she didn’t lash out this time, keeping her mouth shut as she actually tried to think about the offer. It would be rather uncomfortable for her, letting Noriko in beyond the giving of baked good in the hallway, but it would pay off in the long run.

If she didn’t accept Noriko’s help, the inevitable would happen. Repeating ninth grade would make her one of the only kids to repeat for quite a long time, which in turn would mean absolute humiliation. Worse than that, however, was the deeper meaning of being stuck in the ninth grade. She’d be stuck in Shiroiwa for another year, which was enough to almost make her _beg_ Noriko to help her.

“Fine. I’ll do it,” Mitsuko said. Noriko struggled to hide her surprise at not hearing a straight out ‘no.’ She almost smirked at the sight – maybe keeping the surprises coming for her would make this whole thing a little more fun. “But one thing… where will we meet? I’m sure as hell not staying here for longer than needed.”

Noriko thought for a moment about inviting her over, but it all faded away when she realised she’d be letting Mitsuko into the inevitable collapse of her household. She’d probably hate the public library. Any of the restaurants in town were out, as a lot of students in their class hung out there after school in their study groups. The park was too much of a distracting environment, and could get messy depending on the weather. Every possible meeting place that came to mind she quickly figured out had some sort of deal breaker attached.

“We can go to my house.”

The words sounded like they were hard to get out for Mitsuko, as if she hadn’t said them for a considerable amount of time. Considering how much of a loner she was, it made sense to Noriko. Not wanting her to think she was rejecting her invitation, she quickly gave her a nod, wishing there was a way to tell her how impressed she was that she asked. It probably wouldn’t go over well, she knew. She seemed to be the type who really hated her actions being made a big deal of.

“When would you like to start?” was what Noriko said instead. Mitsuko paused for a while, as if she was rifling through a calendar in her mind before finally giving her an answer.

“Today should work.”

Noriko nodded, and the two left the school behind. Once they were a block away, she felt her heart beat madly and her feet freeze in place at the realisation she probably needed to grab her phone. At the realisation that her mother probably wouldn’t even notice that she wouldn’t be home at the normal time, she moved her hands away from the zipper of her bag.

It was a depressing reality, but she was getting used to it. Mitsuko hadn’t even noticed she had stopped before she’d snapped herself out of it.

The walk was a quiet one, the only sounds coming from the thud of their shoes on the pavement and the crunch of leaves as they stepped on them. Noriko wasn’t sure if she’d want to talk, or what they would even talk about. Would they even have anything in common? The thought excited her, a smile spreading across her face at the thought of them becoming friends, but it faded when she figured Mitsuko would most likely not be interested.

Instead, she tried to take in her surroundings on the rare chance that she’d end up coming to help her on the weekend. When they began to venture into the part of town that she’d only ever heard in whispers as “the bad neighbourhood,” she felt her stomach began to twist into knots. It didn’t bother her as much as the first thought that entered her head – that for some reason, this was all a trick and Mitsuko was going to leave her here. She mentally berated herself, promising to herself she was better than that.

“Stay here,” the awful feeling melted away when Mitsuko spoke, bringing her back to reality. They were standing at the end of her street. She let her go, knowing that she would be the one with the knowledge, and waited.

She took her hand eventually and lead her to the house, the feeling of their skin touching making her heart beat a little faster. It was something she tried to ignore, figuring it was just because the action was friendly and she hadn’t felt the interaction in a while. When she saw the beaten up exterior of the house, the knot in her stomach returned, and she wondered if Mitsuko had been checking for thieves.

Again, she told herself she was better than that, hating herself for her strange behaviour.

Noriko’s thoughts turned out not to be the strangest moment she experienced in Mitsuko’s home. When she went to take off her shoes as she entered the house, as was seemingly expected, she just shook her head at her.

“You might need them later,” Mitsuko shut the door and hastily lead them upstairs. Noriko decided not to question it, knowing that she must have her reasons… and it was _her_ house after all. Maybe things were different there.

When Mitsuko opened the door to her room, the feeling of surprise returned to Noriko, but she tried her hardest to hide it. It was one of the smallest places she had ever seen in her life, bringing back memories of a time Mayumi had decided it would be fun to lock her in one of the school cleaning closets. There was a wardrobe in one corner and a bed in the other that took up the majority of space in the room. The walls were bare. The only thing that stuck out was the heavy-looking lamp on her bedside table, due to the shine of gold and intricate design it had.

“Nice, right?” Mitsuko took a seat on her bed. At her voice, Noriko moved her eyes off the lamp, placing her bag down on the floor. She tried desperately to find something else to focus on.

“So... what subject are you struggling with the most?” Noriko asked, trying to smooth out the awkward mood. “What subject would you say that you’re struggling with the most?”

“What subject am I struggling with the most? Hm,” Mitsuko grabbed her books out of her bag one by one, tossing them on the bed, “English is useless. Same with Literature. Maths is a joke. History is boring. I guess Japanese is decent… well, I managed to pass the test – that counts for something, right? Other than that, everything’s equally fucked.”

After she was done, Noriko tried her hardest to think fast. How much work she had to catch up worried her, but what made her feel worse was how hopeless she probably felt. As she got out her own books, she realised that Mitsuko probably didn’t even feel hopeless anymore. She was just _done_.

“We could start with Literature,” Noriko said. At the sight of Mitsuko’s face falling, she knew she had to act quickly to save her proposition. “It’s one of my stronger subjects, so it’ll be something I can help you with easier – and I promise you, it’s pretty good once you get into it. I think you’d enjoy reading, once you find the right book. There’s something out there for everyone.”

“You can try,” Mitsuko said under her breath, and then the teaching began.

Noriko soon realised that Mitsuko’s struggling wasn’t chalked up to her not possessing smarts. She caught onto the material rather fast once Noriko explained it, but took whatever mistakes she made rather harshly. As the hours went on, Mitsuko began to relax, and the experience turned out to be more enjoyable than she thought it would be. When they shared several laughs, Noriko’s thoughts of them becoming friends returned, but she didn’t want to push anything. Mitsuko only had her here because she needed her help – not because she’d decided she wanted a companion.

After several hours of work, the two decided to take a little break. Noriko thought of asking Mitsuko for a drink, or if she could go downstairs to get one, but the girl seemed to have a complete aversion to leaving the room. Knowing she must have her reasons, she just let the subject melt away on its own.

“So, how’d you end up by yourself?” Mitsuko asked after several minutes of silence, shoving her books out of the way. She couldn’t help but smirk when she caught sight of Noriko’s wide eyes – it had only been a day, but god, taking her by surprise was pretty fun for some reason.

“It… it happened gradually, I guess,” Noriko nodded. “My friend found some new friends, and she must of found she clicked better with them. I’m happy she found them. When I pass them in the hallway, it’s obvious that they’re happy in each other’s company. That means more to me than anything.”

“You don’t have to be happy, you know,” Mitsuko said. “You don’t need to have an aversion to being angry. If one of my friends jumped ship and left me in the dust, I’d be fucking furious.”

“I just don’t want to be angry,” Noriko shrugged. If someone had told her a week ago that she’d be here, talking about her life with _Mitsuko Souma_ of all people, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from laughing. “Everyone in my house is angry enough already-“

At the sound of a car outside, Noriko cut herself off. Mitsuko immediately got up from her spot slouched against the wall and just about jumped off the bed, looking around for Noriko’s bag. She placed it in her hands and then went over to the window, opening it as quietly as she could while she watched the car stop.

“Mitsuko-“

“ _I think you should probably be heading home._ ”

Noriko knew it wasn’t time to speak, but at the same time, her level of her confusion made her feel as if she had no choice but to ask a question. She watched Mitsuko instead of opening her mouth, however, and when the girl wrenched the windows open and took her hand, she realised what she wanted – or rather, how she wanted her to leave. Finally, her wanting to keep her shoes on made sense.

As Mitsuko pushed her towards the window, she almost froze in fear. She’d never done something like this before, and all she wanted to do was ask Mitsuko why on earth this was happening, but she knew that she couldn’t say anything. When she was tossed her bag, she caught it carefully, and began her descent.

When she hit the ground, scrambling up as fast as she could, her first instinct was to run. Whatever reason Mitsuko had reacted like that couldn’t have possibly meant anything good, and wasn’t something that she should worry about either… Mitsuko wouldn’t want her to get involved, she knew that. She’d just say that she could handle it all on her own, and the worst part was the fact that Noriko couldn’t get past one thought the whole way home.

Even if she wanted to get involved, there would be nothing she’d be able to do.

\---

When Noriko came home, she found herself baking. She wasn’t exactly sure what had sprung on the urge this time – the fast exit from Mitsuko’s house, the fact that when she opened the door her mother hadn’t even noticed she’d come home late (even though that it was something she had been expecting), or the small thought that the offering of some baked goods yet again would manage to ‘buy’ Mitsuko’s thoughts. It was pathetic and had very little chance of working, but she couldn’t stop herself from desiring company.

Before school the next morning, she took more care with the cookies than usual, placing them in a nice box and wrapping the last of her ribbon around the top, remnants from a nicer time, when she was a little younger and everything in the house seemed to be okay. She tried to brush the thoughts away as she left the house, not bothering to say goodbye to her mother. There seemed to be no point anymore. Day after day, it seemed more likely that she’d completely forgotten she had a daughter.

She saw Mitsuko several times during the day, the girl refusing to meet her eyes, but she never approached her with the cookies. The thought sent her stomach into madness and her mind into overdrive, but she wanted to do it eventually – she hadn’t made them for nothing. When one of their teachers didn’t show up and they were left to their own devices, she sensed an opportunity. Looking around for a brief moment, surprised yet relieved that her torturers hadn’t done anything to her yet, she gently got out of her chair and went over to the girl.

Mitsuko sat in the back of the room. The class were meant to have a seating arrangement, but she slinked off to the back anyway, and after a while, the teachers had just given up on her. Now that she thought about her a little more, she realised that sometimes it felt like the teachers had completely forgotten she was there. She was slouched against the table, head buried in her arms. Just barely, Noriko could see she was wearing earbuds, and she wondered if she should come back later. Making a decision after several minutes of standing there, she decided to just go for it, gently poking her in the shoulder.

“What?” Mitsuko lifted her head up, reaching out to take out her earbuds. A glare filled her face, but when she met eyes with Noriko, it began to fade. “Oh… it’s you.”

Noriko tried to figure out exactly what to say, it having taken all her strength to actually go over and talk to her. She knew she had to decide something to say soon, knowing that Mitsuko had little patience, but her mind was blank. One thing that she had decided on, however, was that she was not going to mention what had happened that lead to her leaving her house. It pained her to just sweep it under the rug, but what could she do?

“I… I made you something,” Noriko stammered, pulling out the little box from the inside pocket of her blazer. “Cookies. Chocolate chip.”

She held out the box to her, hands shaking a little, waiting for the girl to either take it of refuse it. She swore she saw a hint of a smile when she took the box and went to place it in her bag, but for the most part, her face was blank. Still, it made the strange feeling in Noriko’s stomach take her over. Gently, she took a chair and pulled it over to the table, hoping Mitsuko wouldn’t tell her to go away. So far, things seemed to be going well.

Things couldn’t last, though. Within a minute or so of sitting down, she felt several things hit her in the back of the head. She reached up gently to get rid of them, hoping it wasn’t anything sticky or difficult to get out, breathing a sigh of relief when she ended up just brushing away some paper. More followed, dropping to the floor instead of tangling in her hair, and she just let it go, knowing there was nothing she could do.

“Do you want me to go away?” Noriko asked when she noticed Mitsuko sigh. Her mind went back to the little talk they’d had in gym class not long after the bathroom incident, and she could only expect the worst. Her seat on the other side of the room now felt a little lonelier.

“No, no,” Mitsuko looked over at her. She bit her lip and quickly added, “I mean… it’s fine. Whatever. You can stay if you like.”

Noriko gave her a small nod, trying to hide her smile. She moved her chair a little closer to her and watched Mitsuko carefully, trying to figure out what to do next. When she didn’t put her earbuds back in, their eyes briefly meeting for a moment, she decided to try and keep a conversation going. Maybe if she let the words take hold of her, she could quit thinking about the weird feeling in her stomach, even if it was just for a little while.

“Do you… do you want to meet again this afternoon?” Noriko made sure to keep her voice down, getting Mitsuko’s attention again fully. “We don’t have to go to your house if you don’t want to. We… we could go to the library instead, if you like?”

It was the closest that she could get to asking about what had happened the day before, something she was so sure they both wanted to forget. Mitsuko shrugged at her for a minute before eventually nodding, reminding herself of what would happen if she let their whole arrangement die. _You’ll be stuck here. For another year. Do you want that for yourself?_

“I’ve never been to the library in town, actually,” Mitsuko said, finding herself actually wanting to talk, but she picked her subjects and words carefully. It was probably a lie, as she’d no doubt gone there in the really early days, before everything went so wrong. It was not something that she’d clarify to anyone, especially not a relative stranger. It may as well be a lie though, as with how things had gone, it was hard to believe that she would have ever been there at all.

“I think you’ll like it there,” is all Noriko got herself to say. Mitsuko shared the same cynical outlook as she did when Noriko mentioned developing a love of literature at her house, but she remained hopeful – these things could always change, even if Mitsuko herself didn’t think so.

When the silence between them got too much, a start contrast to the rest of the class, lively and wild, the classwork all forgotten, Noriko couldn’t help herself. Without thinking, she began to talk about her favourite book, going into as much detail as possible without giving everything away, watching Mitsuko’s face carefully to see if she’s getting bored of her. It was hard to tell at first, but after a while, despite the fact that her face is blank, she noticed something change in her eyes. She looked somewhat content.

The mood was broken several minutes later, Noriko mid-raving about her favourite character, when Mayumi yelled out something about her resorting to sucking up to the class’s leftovers.

When Mitsuko, face eerily calm, pulled her chair out, looked her straight and the eyes and gave her the middle finger, effectively sending the bully away for the day at least, Noriko couldn’t help but feel that for the first time, they’d actually made a proper connection.

\---

The afternoons working with Mitsuko in the library are the turning point in their relationship, at least, Noriko thought so. On the first day, Mitsuko was completely silent as she absorbed her new surroundings, eyeing every way she could make a quick escape and finding them a small space in the back where they won’t be able to be seen. It went on like that for several weeks, with the power of knowledge and the occasional retort at Mayumi’s group binding them together, but when the test came around, she began to notice the first hints at a change.

They moved to a desk. Mitsuko pushed over her paper with a decent score marked on the top of it, allowing Noriko to give her a smile and some praise, but drawing the line when she opened her arms for a hug. She pretended that it never happened after that, and went back to simply helping her study. Her mind wandered off in all directions, wondering what it would be like to be in her arms, what it would be like to inhale the perfume she wore, if it would feel electric when their skin touched.

It came to the point where Mitsuko asked if they were on the same planet anymore. She silently reprimanded herself for her thoughts – they weren’t useful, and nothing would ever happen, anyway.

When Mitsuko asked what she was reading one day, she felt her heart start to beat a little faster. After a few mentions of the details, it lead to the thing that made her heart beat even more – she remembered the book as her favourite. When she followed it up by asking if she could borrow it when she was finished, the feeling got even stronger.

Mitsuko never really told her what she thought of the book. She returned it in still perfect condition, gave her a nod, and simply said it wasn’t a waste of her time. After that, she began to notice her hanging around the library when she thought she had left, walking through the aisles and staring at the shelves, seemingly looking for something in particular. She never went up to ask, not wanting to infringe on her moment. It was obvious at times that Mitsuko did just want to be alone.

Eventually, the opportunity arose to mention the change, when a battered library book tumbled out of her bag several weeks after she noticed her interest. When their hands touched when they both went to retrieve the book, sending her heart going mad again, her words tumbled out as she tried to search for some sort of distraction. Most of all, she didn’t want to let herself wonder if she felt something too.

“Gotten into reading, I see?” Noriko gave her a small smile. For a moment, something changed on Mitsuko’s face, before she returned to her usual guarded self. The slip up went on long enough for her to see it, however, and she could tell that she’d opened up something Mitsuko wasn’t expecting her to mention.

“I guess,” Mitsuko played it off as a casual thing, as always. “There’s just one thing about all the stuff I’ve read so far.”

“What is it?” Noriko asked, genuinely curious.

“There always seems to be a happy ending, in one way or another,” Mitsuko said. She grabbed her pencil case and tossed it onto the table, opening up her workbook hastily. “But that doesn’t matter – they’re just dumb books.”

Noriko looked over at her, taking note of the strained smile on her face. If only she could believe her.

\---

It was to say that Noriko’s little friendship with Mitsuko was a rocky one. Some days, there seemed to be a few signs that they were becoming closer, the girl sharing some of the books she had discovered or even – despite it being a little grudgingly at times – recommending some of the stand outs. They sat together at school often, and despite the fact that the bullies didn’t seem to think much of Mitsuko, they thought just enough to be scared of her, leading to school life being a little more bearable. Things at home hadn’t improved, but it wasn’t like she as expecting them to, becoming more invisible by the day.

Mitsuko reminded her that technically, they only had until the end of this year, and then they could get out if they wanted to. Even _together_ , she had mentioned a few times, but she wasn’t too sure yet. She wanted to complete her education and then get out into the world, but some days, she wondered if it would be best to put her dreams on hold just to get out of such a lonely, empty house.

On other days, however, Mitsuko was different. She could get rather quiet and distant, not showing up to one of their tutoring sessions with no warning or seemingly trying to avoid her on purpose. She didn’t know what to say, or how to ask. Maybe she had her reasons… but every time it happened, it still filled her with loneliness. Depending on one person wasn’t the best, she knew, but Mitsuko really was all she had.

It had been about a week now, longer than Mitsuko would usually avoid her when she got into one of those moods, and she was really beginning to worry. The day was a rather dreary one, school boring and rain pouring outside, it the perfect weather to be somewhere you felt like home. The library with Mitsuko probably wasn’t a viable option, so she’d have to make do with her bedroom. With a good book in hand, it would be decent enough.

Unfortunately, she realised soon after leaving the classroom that she’d have to wait awhile to get to that book. Her umbrella was snatched out of her hand and now was in Mayumi’s, the girl giving her an unsettling grin. A little while ago, she would have just walked home in the rain and made do, but since she had Mitsuko had become sort of “friends,” the girl had spent a lot of time telling her she shouldn’t just take what’s thrown at her, and it had made an impact.

Even if she couldn’t change her mother just about having forgotten her existence, she could stand up to a few bullies that definitely needed to be knocked down a peg.

“Excuse me, I need that umbrella,” Noriko followed them down the hall, walking a little faster than normal. She was largely ignored, but she decided not to back down. “I was talking to you. I need that.”

“Thank you for letting us borrow your umbrella, Nakagawa,” Mayumi turned around, giving her a little snicker. “I’ll give it back tomorrow… if I remember. Guess you’ll just have to walk home in the rain.”

“You never even asked if you could borrow it,” Noriko frowned, still not backing down. She couldn’t take them walking all over her for another moment, but as the three slowed down and started walking a little closer to her, she wondered if she should have tried to suppress the feeling. They _could_ hurt her… there was no one else in the halls, it seemed.

“I _said, thank you for letting us borrow your umbrella, Nakagawa_ ,” Mayumi said through gritted teeth. The three girls took a few more steps toward her, and she began to feel ill. On instinct, she began to back away, which only got a laugh from the three.

When Yoshimi began to taunt her, she tried to block it out. Words didn’t hurt like they used to… it’s what they could actually do that she feared more. She only snapped out of it when she realised the girl had cut herself off mid-word, something else seeming to catch her attention. She decided to keep quiet and try to figure out what had happened, eyes widening as she caught sight of Mitsuko.

Without a single word, Mitsuko went right up to Mayumi, snatched the umbrella out of her hands, and shoved her into the wall. Noriko stepped back as she began to go after the other girls, seemingly angrier at them than she would have expected. Her feet were glued firmly in place and she could only stare as Mitsuko tore into them, more puzzled than ever about the state of their friendship.

After the three were a tangled mess on the floor, Mitsuko looked her in the eye. For a brief moment, it appeared as if she was having some difficulty with the task, but there were bigger things to focus on… like the fact she was mouthing at her to run. Not wanting to waste any time, she followed her order, the two bolting from the school together as the three girls began to get up. She couldn’t help herself filling with fear as they shouted threats, but she tried to tell herself it was nothing.

_Mitsuko wouldn’t worry about it, so why should I?_

When she realised that the girls were still pursuing them, even after they had left the school several blocks behind, the fear began to rise up again. It began to slow her down, along with the pouring rain, but the feeling of Mitsuko grabbing her hand and starting to pull her along. Her cheeks heated up a little as they ran, the girls starting to catch up, but she now tried her hardest to drown them out.

It really wasn’t the moment, but she instead focused on the feeling of Mitsuko’s hand in hers. She didn’t know whether the thumping of her heart was more influenced by that, or the somewhat danger they were in. Somehow, despite the circumstances, it felt more right than ever. It was hard to make sense of it all as they ran, her mind filled with countless questions, but she pushed herself into the present long enough to pick up some speed, allowing to Mitsuko to guide her down a narrow corner behind a series of shops.

Mitsuko put a finger to her lips and pressed herself to the wall, Noriko doing the same. Out of the corner of their eyes, they watched as Mayumi, Fumiyo and Yoshimi ran right past them, sharing a laugh as soon as they’d disappeared from view. When they met each other’s eyes, water dripping from their eyelashes, the laughter dropped off almost immediately. Both of them were still trying to make sense of everything that had happened, for somewhat different reasons.

“Thank you…” Noriko said, not sure whether it was the cold or nervousness making her shake. Her clothes were just about stuck to her and her wet hair dripped uncomfortably down her back, but the swirling feeling in her stomach still seemed like a credible source. She wondered if Mitsuko felt like that too, but for the most part, her expressions seemed closely guarded.

“It’s nothing. They just piss me off so much,” Mitsuko muttered. “They act like they own everything, when they aren’t even shit. No one is. If they ever left this town, they’d find out in a heartbeat that they’re nothing.”

Noriko nodded at her a little. While it was a little cruel (not that she should care), she wondered if the three girls would ever get out of Shiroiwa. If on bad days she herself was wondering if _she_ could get out of town, it seemed highly doubtful. At least, if she never left, Mitsuko would be around… but the thought quickly lost steam when she remembered how the girl had been taking every effort to avoid her before the events of the last hour.

“I… I know they anger you, but why did you step up to help _me_?” Noriko asked quietly. There was no way it would had been the only reason she’d stepped in. Mayumi, Yoshimi and Fumiyo had made other people’s lives hell when she was around before, and all she’d done was slip her earphones in and slipped herself into another world. “Considering how you’ve been avoiding me lately… I was starting to think you hated me.”

Mitsuko’s laugh cut through the rain. The smile on her face made Noriko wonder whether the cold had gotten to her, but when she looked in her eyes, it was probably the only thing stopping her from running away in fear.

“Noriko,” her first name felt so right on her tongue, it a feeling hard to ignore. “If I hated you, you’d know all about it. Trust me.”

Noriko trusted her.

“But… but why have you been avoiding me?” Noriko asked her, stepping a little closer. She was shivering and the rain was getting heavier by the minute, but it didn’t matter at the moment. The answer that would fall off her lips was the only thing that held any significance in the world.

Mitsuko was silent for quite a few minutes, but her eyes never left hers. The rain made her hair cling to her face, droplets running down her face, a mimicking tears. She wasn’t sure if she could do this. Becoming friends with her had been a big enough step… but this was completely different. Her life only had enough room for herself in it, which was sometimes suffocating enough… but she still wanted to make some room, as much of a mistake it was.

She never should have gotten Noriko involved with the mess she was, but it was too late now. She was expecting an answer, and deserved to know she was the only good thing in this goddamn town.

“I was afraid,” Mitsuko was very quiet. She had never said anything like that out loud before. Hell, she hated how the words bounced around in her head enough. “If… if I continued to hang out with you as we had, I wouldn’t have been able to ignore this. I attempted… but it was too difficult. Even staying away from you didn’t work… but it did just enough. But I still missed you.”

Any words that Noriko had been preparing in her head were wiped clean by Mitsuko’s explanation. She could sense what the girl had been getting at even though she hadn’t directly referred to it, and she was just frozen in place… and it wasn’t because of the cold. She felt like she had lost the ability to speak, but tried to push some words from her throat. She couldn’t let her think that she shared none of the same feelings.

“I missed you too. A lot.”

Their lips were freezing when they touched for the first time, rain dripping down them before they were able to trap in a little warmth, it electrifying them for a few perfect seconds. They were somewhere else in that moment – definitely not in this stupid town, that was for sure. It was a paradise, where everything was all right, _those people_ didn’t mean shit, they were warm, and forever, it was going to be fine.

Noriko gave her a smile when they pulled away, and the electricity came back again. Mitsuko reached out to wipe droplets of rain off her cheeks. It was futile, but the action was enough for the both of them.

\---

Unlike in the films she used to spend a lot of time watching – when she could afford to forget about being forgotten by her mother – a kiss did not fix everything for Noriko. It was enough to help her through the day, shrug off the girls at school’s words, and try to bear things at home. She felt untouchable around Mitsuko, and thinking about what she’d probably say if it was her in those situations, what she’d think, made her feel stronger. Hopefully, she’d be a constant in her life, even if it didn’t seem very likely with her track record. She tried not to think of the end, but of the memories that were being created.

Of course, Noriko was not the only one with mixed thoughts. She could sense that Mitsuko was quite new to this herself, and that a kiss would not be a magic fix for her either. Her school affairs were different to whatever her home affairs were, the girl quite open about the former but a seasoned professional at dodging the latter. Noriko attempted not to think about it much. Mitsuko was just one of those people who seemed to carry everything on her own, until she signalled for her, she’d just step back.

Noriko was okay with that. She really was. But she couldn’t help but worry when Mitsuko didn’t come to school for a week, an occurrence which quickly slipped into two weeks, then into three. In the end, her seat was taken by a new transfer kid who looked a little too old to be in the ninth grade, and she seemed to be largely forgotten by everyone else.

She still saw her after school, but the meetings were often sporadic, it obvious that Mitsuko didn’t have much time on her hands. The fact that she made the effort meant the world to her, but she couldn’t help but feel a little… held back whenever they met. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, but she didn’t want to intrude, it obvious that Mitsuko seemed like she wanted to keep her life something of her own to handle. As time went on it got harder to resist the urge to ask. Even if she couldn’t really do anything, she still wanted to remind her that she was there.

The fact that she was there physically seemed to be enough. Mitsuko had been rather quiet tonight so far, heading leaned against her shoulder as they sat against a tree in one of the local parks. The sky was dark and they’d had to jump a gate to get in, with promises of arrest, followed by a hefty fine, but it was one of the first times Noriko had seen her look a little peaceful. She herself was a little nervous, fighting the urge to constantly look around to see if anyone was coming.

Instead, she tried to focus on the feeling of Mitsuko’s hand in hers and how much she had missed it since she last saw her, as well as the quiet that enveloped them. Unlike the quiet of her home which was suffocating and deeply lonely, this made her feel more secure than anything. For a little while, she really felt like she mattered.

“How’s school been?” Mitsuko asked her after several minutes. She looked over at her girlfriend, gaze falling down to her thumb tracing her wrist, or more accurately, the ugly bruise there. _Fun._ She’d tried to pretend it didn’t exist, but now it was back in the forefront of her mind.

“Just… school,” Noriko shrugged. Mitsuko immediately got her point. It didn’t take a lot of words for them to understand one another most of the time.

“I’m sorry,” Mitsuko didn’t use those words often – most of the time, she didn’t want to, but when she did, she truly meant it. Especially with Noriko. Unless she had to, she didn’t want to lie to her. She couldn’t lose such a good thing. “I’ll be back soon.”

“It’s all right. I… I can understand,” Noriko gave her a small nod, but wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth. If she didn’t even have a real idea of what Mitsuko was going through, how could she believe she could really understand? Mitsuko nodded all the same, probably not eager to open that can of worms, but she now couldn’t stop herself from saying something. “Where… where have you been?”

Mitsuko was quiet for a while. It was obvious that the wheels in her head were working overtime as she tried to produce an explanation, and she wondered if it all was a mistake. Lightly, she squeezed her hand, as if to tell her it was fine if she just left her with silence or moved on, which was enough to propel her into an answer.

“Just sorting some stuff out,” Mitsuko said, placing an arm around her. It wasn’t a lie, really – just enough truth that she wanted to tell. It was enough for Noriko. She didn’t want to try and get more out of her, especially since she could tell she wasn’t comfortable.

Silence enveloped them again. Their eyes wondered to the sky for a while, attempting to count all the stars until they realised that it was futile and meaningless. Even if they stayed out here forever, they could never do it… and what would be the point in they could? It wouldn’t fix anything, or give them any gold star. Just a stupid task that was even more stupid to undertake. _Like living, really,_ not that either of them held onto that thought for very long. It wasn’t them.

Mitsuko traced the thumbprints on Noriko’s pale wrist, staring out into the park instead. Staring straight into the faint glow of the streetlights took her mind off the pain that lingered under too many layers of makeup. She dug her free hand into the grass, dirt clumping under her nails as she tore the greenery up. It was an ugly feeling, but it worked.

How was this right? Why were she and Noriko sitting in this stupid town in a closed park, attempting to count stars as they took a reprieve from the garbage world around them? They could be somewhere big. Vibrant. _Better._ Noriko especially was worth more than this… so why had she been “blessed” to end up here?

“Some people shouldn’t be able to do as they please anymore,” Mitsuko mused aloud. Noriko moved a little closer to her. A while ago, she probably would have contested the statement, but that was before she seemed to be no less than cellophane to her family and her wrist didn’t sting like hell. Now, she just nodded.

It was all broken by the sound of a shout and a flashlight. It was time to run. Rather unconventionally, Mitsuko walked her home, and she spend the rest of the night accompanied by the rapid thumping of her own heart. It was terrifying… but it actually felt nice to run.

\---

An empty house gave Mitsuko a lot of time on her hands. She sat on the floor and counted all the creaks she could hear for an hour, then choked down a microwave meal and wondered why she even bothered, seeing as she wasn’t that hungry. She scrubbed herself raw and counted how many seconds she could stay underwater. None of those activities stayed thrilling for long.

Once she’d swept through those mundane activities, she’d ended up getting to the most important thing an empty house gave her – time to think. While it had been two weeks since the night in the park, she still thought a lot about the thumbprints on Noriko’s wrist, and what she’d said regarding them. _Some people shouldn’t be able to do as they please anymore_.

The water from the bath that dripped down her back should have made her shudder, but it wasn’t much. Not really. She just rested her chin on her knees as the water dotted her sweater, letting the words bounce around in her head. It was true – unbelievably so. She could go into school tomorrow, bust right through those doors and tear the three girls to bits. Leave nothing left. If she really wanted to, she could go into Noriko’s house, make a real scene, and try and get that worthless cow to finally notice the kid she had.

She could do all that. She was perfectly capable. She would be lying if she said that she didn’t want to, that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind many times as she and Noriko became closer, but she had refrained, and most likely would continue to. It would fix things, but only for a while. Permanence seemed to be the key to making things better.

 _Permanence._ Mitsuko told herself to hold onto the word, loosening her arms from around her knees. She reached over to unplug the lamp from beside her bed, picking it up carefully. It was heavier than she had anticipated it to be, despite always knowing it wasn’t the lightest of things. For a while, she practiced holding it, until she decided it was enough for now, placing it back carefully on the dresser without plugging it in again.

The lamp was the nicest thing she owned. She wanted to smash it then and there, but reminded herself to hold onto the nice things until she couldn’t any more. One day, there would be more nice things, and Noriko would be there with her to see them. For now, things were ugly. She picked up a useless compact mirror from the floor and hurled it at the mirror, feeling her heart beat a little faster at the sound of the smash.

She peered into the shards. The creature looking back was all wrong, a mix of weird shapes that were meant to come together to make one girl, with purple, green and yellow on one side of her face and her hair dripping wet. She was meant to be pretty, but she wasn’t too sure any more… and did it matter? Being pretty just brought more and more trouble. Her hands scooped up the shards, cutting into the pale flesh, red running down into the carpet. It was yet another thing that didn’t matter.

The phone brought her back to reality.

Most days, she forgot she had one. She barely kept it turned on, let alone used it, but at the moment, she could use a distraction from the mirror, even though she had brought it upon herself. Like a normal teenager would (other than the fact she got bloody handprints on the duvet as she did so), she collapsed on the bed and grabbed the device.

Notifications – from a stupid account that didn’t matter at all and she meant to shut down ages ago, but forgot it existed before she could do so.

_Lots of people in your area are interested in this video!_

The fact that the website knew her general location was creepy, but did it really matter? She scrolled down and tried to forget about the new fact, pressing play on the supposedly popular video – _what did she have to lose?_ It looked like a fight – at their school, she could tell immediately by the uniform. Could be entertaining. She was sure that she’d been in a few of these videos herself over time, but she’d never seen any of those.

Her eyes scanned the video carefully. It appeared as if it had gone down today, in the park not too far from school. The person who had shot it was clearly inexperienced, as all she could see was the reasonably large crowd for a few minutes. She slid the bar along after a while, it rapidly losing her interest, but her eyes were locked on the screen as she finally caught a look at who was fighting.

Not that she could call it a fight anymore. It was more like a _merciless beating._

The phone joined the mirror, in pieces on the floor, and those words came back to her again. _Some people shouldn’t be able to do as they please anymore._

In that moment, she heard the front door open. A briefcase was discarded on the floor. _Drunkenness._ She stepped away from the smashed phone and sat on the bed, staring at the corpse of the mirror. Footsteps thumped up the stairs, but her empty eyes didn’t care at all. She gave him a dead greeting, and ignored the new, acrid stench of the room.

Hands made her insides smash like the mirror. She dove for the lamp, picking it up as practiced, and swung. It was the fourth thing to break in the room. The base was fine, however. It was either the screaming of the smashing of various objects that overpowered the room for the next few minutes. The thought of someone calling the police didn’t even cross her mind. She could handle this own her own.

Everything stopped when she was sure that there was no more movement. She let the base slip out of her bloodied hand, insides curdling. Quiet. She let herself freeze as she took it all in. There were lamp fragments in her hair, and her room was coated in red. Everything nice was ruined, but now she was the one who could do as she pleased. There was red in her teeth, she felt when she let herself smile, and she wasn’t sure how that could have happened, but did it matter?

She was free, but not stupid. She stepped over the shards and dug through her closet for a bag, stuffing wads of clothing into its depths. They were now stained with red, but it didn’t matter. It could be dealt with later. There was no time to change or have another bath, so she could only hope the rain outside could help her a little for now.

Cautiously, she picked up the home phone in the hallway, dialling Noriko’s number with one hand, tearing a portrait off the wall with another.

“H-hello?” her voice was going to collapse on her at any moment.

“Noriko. Would you like to go on a vacation?”

Confused, but welcome to the idea, she choked out a yes.

\---

Her mother had gone to sleep early, to Noriko’s relief. She could easily pack some clothes and other essentials, as well as a little food without fear of detection, a little slower than normal due to the stiffness that came with her injuries. She should have asked more questions, but after today, she was content to get away. Anywhere had to be better, and she couldn’t wait anymore. The unknown scared her, but the thumping of her heart was oddly exciting as she sat on the couch in the dark, waiting.

She peered outside for a moment after a few minutes went by, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the car pull up outside her house. She had no idea where Mitsuko had gotten it, or how she knew how to drive and was only aware of how much trouble they’d be in if they were pulled over, but thoughts of the day pushed it out of her mind. Instead, she tossed her bags into the back seat and climbed into the passenger seat, meeting her eyes.

Mitsuko looked like she’d been through a tornado. Her face matched hers. She was sure that tears glinted in both of their eyes, but neither would admit it. For now, the events of the last few hours were better left unsaid for the both of them. It was best to let the road do the talking for now.

“Ready to go?” Mitsuko asked. Noriko nodded, trying to ignore how unstable her voice sounded.

They both breathed an audible sigh of relief as they passed by the town’s welcome sign, heading out in to the black unknown. Mitsuko turned the radio to liven things up a little.

_The local news._

 “I love this song,” Mitsuko changed the station, a smile spreading on her face. Noriko didn’t notice that the words started tumbling from her mouth before she’d even heard the music.

Noriko nodded at her, giving her a smile before staring out at the darkness they passed by. Her face ached terribly, as did her bones, and her insides had never felt so hollow, but it wasn’t going to feel like this forever. The further they went, the more they were going to feel better. They just had to keep going.

Sometimes, they had to be the ones to do what they wanted, and the world was now a whole lot wider.


End file.
